Put on your seat belt, we are going for a trip down memory lane, hopefully in a getaway car.
I was raised in an environment that educated me in a way that was more akin to a Van Halen California Dreams video. This education was simple really: Being a woman meant you were to be a beautiful, Cosmo, plucked eyebrow, perfectly coifed goddess and must never ever shop at Lane Bryant or wear white shoes after labor day.
As fate would have it, I grew to be a smart, sophisticated female who's body turned into leggy Gisele Bundchen at the ripe age of 16 complete with swimsuit modeling contract. This enforced my body image issues and also estranged me from friends and even a very overweight sister. To be overweight meant you were lazy, right? Just quit eating. I know many have stereotypes like this and it makes me sad that I was one of them. I couldn't have been more wrong.
Having 4 babies in 6 years does nothing good for the waistline and even worse on the cottage cheese in a baggie legs. I will not be putting a picture of my butt on this site, although a face picture I can do. Be it on record that the next chick that says her butt is huge is going to get it kicked by me. Thanks to main stream media and airbrushing, you somehow think you can't look like a woman?? I won't post how many glasses of water I drink and how many calories I consume, and you won't complain about your butt. Enough said.
In my life, I have been model thin and morbidly obese. I am happy to say I am nowhere near my heaviest albeit, I have worked hard to lose weight. My problem is I continuously go to my childhood education and see my size as my value. It's engrained in me and I am constantly reminded by the empty stares that go through me when I'm out in public.
Can they not see my value beyond my weight?
Can they see I am fun, silly, sarcastic?
Don't they want to find out that I can strike up a conversation with anyone and say outloud what most wish they could?
Can't people see I am loyal to the death? I am smart, the queen of odd facts and a million movie lines?
Can't they tell I'm a music lover, that I love to travel or that I read something new every single day?
Or know I love a stimulating argument, impressionist art, photography and all things Monty Python?
I am thankful for my hubby because he loves me as I am. He knows I will not give up but he loves the girl inside. Does it bother him I am not the spring chicken he married? Probably so, but he also knows that I'm not giving up the fight to be healthy. Men are sight-oriented and for that, I have never 'let myself go'. I also do it for ME!! Just because a girl is not Cosmo magazine perfect doesn't mean she doesn't still need to pluck, scrub, exfoliate, lube, mask, lotion, tweeze and shine. The more I shine inwardly, the more it reflects outwardly.
The two things I like about myself is I have always loved my height. I would also say I'm fond of my hair but wish to the good Lord my eyebrows would quit trying to grow into my hairline. Here are some more pics of me...
Wedding day Aug 1993
